But I’m a Nice Guy! Why won’t she date me?
Some people dream of going back in a time machine and strangling baby Hitler in his crib, thus preventing World War II, the Holocaust, any number of stupid memes. Our dear friend Heartiste — the repellent right-wing pickup guru — dreams instead of delivering the incredibly wussy teenage Hitler his own Sixteen Commandments of Poon, thus saving young Adolph from the horrors of Betahood and perhaps also preventing World War II, etc.
Heartiste, who evidently gets his news from seven-year-old stories in the Daily Mail, has been reading about a not-so-new book that tells the story of teenage Hitler’s unrequited crush on a girl named Stefanie Isak. To hear the Daily Mail tell it, Hitler was quite the beta simp, watching from a distance in fury as alpha male army officers charmed (and won over) the young lass. Heartiste is driven to comment:
Hitler the bitterboy beta. Instead of learning from his alpha male betters, he lashed out at them, much the same way our modern manboobs lash out at alpha male “douchebags” and “players”.
Thanks for the mention, douchebag!
Anyhoo, so young Hitler wrote the girl poems, stalked her, contemplated kidnapping her, and considered a murder-suicide backup plan in case the kidnapping didn’t work out — you know, all your typical nice guy stuff. What he never did was talk to her.
Poor Hitler! That’s what “One-itis” can do to you!
Heartiste wonders what Hitler might have been able to accomplish if he’s been able to read the Chateau Heartiste blog on his early-20th century iPad.
As you can see, even maniacal dictators with dreams of world conquest can fall into the same horrible beta traps as your typical weepy 21st century brooding teen boy with xVideos tabbed for convenience. If only Hitler had the compiled wisdom of CH, he would remember the maxim that you do not reward a woman with your love until after she has rewarded you with her sex.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure you don’t need Heartiste or any misogynist douchebag to tell you it’s not a great idea to fall in love with a girl that you not only haven’t had sex with but whom you haven’t even spoken to.
But Heartiste is caught up in his own fantasies at this point:
[A] part of me feels not just pity, but even tender admiration, for young Hitler’s romantic idealism, so pure of thought and intention. This was a Hitler, however misguided, who denied a cynical world its tribute in parcels of his uncorrupted soul. How might things have turned out differently had a strong male presence — an alpha male mentor — shown him the way to fulfill his burning desire? Or at least told him to stop acting like a tool.
If only Hitler had known how to neg!
One of the stranger aspects of Hitler’s unrequited love affair is that the target of his obsessions had a Jewish last name. She wasn’t in fact Jewish, but (according to the Daily Mail account) Hitler didn’t know that at the time. The Daily Mail suggests that this could mean that his later anti-Semitism wasn’t genuine, but was instead cooked up for political reasons. (Yeah, fat chance.)
Heartiste has a different theory.
[P]erhaps … Hitler became the man he did when, as a young man in the grip of hot unrequited love, his Jewish princess “rejected” him for the charming alpha males Hitler despised. What followed from that irreparable wound to his heart was an act of id vengeance that would set fire to the world. Was WWI then, the revenge of a beta male scorned?
I believe you mean WWII. Do try to get your World Wars straight.
Chateau Heartiste has written that game can save the West. Disbelievers scoff. But if this outpost of sanity had been around during Hitler’s flowering youth to enlighten him about the nature of the fairer sex, the West might very well have been saved. Saved not just from war and genocide, but from every evil — cultural Marxism, feminism, equalism, and now racial self-annihilationism — that has come after.
I guess it’s not surprising, really, that Heartiste is egotistical enough to think that his blog could have prevented World War I, er II.
What is surprising is that Heartiste would have wanted to get in the way of Hitler’s campaign of hate and war. Heartiste, after all, is an increasingly open far-right racist, who in a recent post blamed American “emasculization” on the “[l]ack of a cleansing war.” (Really, because it seems to me that we ARE at war, and just got out of another war, and I don’t know if you saw this in the news or anything, but we’ve got some military strikes on Syria penciled in for later this week.) And if you go through Heartiste’s comments section you will certainly find plenty of people who don’t think Hitler needed any excuse to hate Jews — because they’re just so inherently hateable!
Hitler and Heartiste, two terrible tastes that taste disgusting together.
EDIT: Oh, by the way, the Blue Pill subreddit is totally on this whole Hitler as pickup artist thing. Here’s the original discussion, a spinoff discussion in r/badhistory, and a picture of PUA Hitler trying a little kino escalation (from here).
